So the last post was April. It was all about making myself feel better.
Well after the Easter break my assessment was submitted and I was feeling positive. Roll forward 8 weeks or so and life has been in freefall.
My weight was going up and up without any reason, I’m still waiting for my final assessment from the TES who I have to be honest have been pretty rubbish. My uncle died suddenly and I have attended 3 more interviews to be rejected. This makes a total of 5. One i was poorly on and could hardly speak, 1 was a complete nightmare I spent all weekend on a project to not even be given the opportunity to share it. I Was asked to teach maths.my mentor a mastery maths leader looked at my lesson and said it was good. They said it was too easy-they clearly didn’t understand mastery maths- the idea was to problem solve and logic not the actual maths. The head was a prancy so and so thinking he was God’s gift. I’d seen the teaching in a classroom that morning which was not good. So I guess he doesn’t really have a clue. Hence the inadequate rating!!
Then there was one where one as up against a student that had been at my school. He got it. Im convinced on the fact that they knew him. Then one last week where i had to teach and wait to see whether I was called back the following day. I wasnt. I emailed for feedback and received none. Im not convinced I’d got the year Group I asked for. They were very tall. Plus the head looked me up and down in disgust.so I absolutely broke down on Tuesday evening. I just couldn’t face it anymore. Being looked at.criticised and just plain ignored does nothing for the confidence. My head thinks I’m a good teacher, so does my mentor yet i can’t get a job. Then again they wouldn’t give me a job either.
Anyway. Tomorrow I go again. For a 6th time. This head has met me so won’t be surprised by the way i look, his teacher going on maternity followed a similar route to me-though she mentioned her friend had just finished too so I’m hoping she’s not there tomorrow otherwise I don’t stand a chance. I Think I’m making this my last. I can’t keep being knocked back. Any resilience I did have has gone.
Supply looks like a good option at the moment.
I have loved teaching and i have been more than a student. I have led the class trip, done a class assembly, taken assemblies and parents evening. As well as administered sats and marked and reported on them. I feel like a teacher. Yet no one will give me a chance. I’m despondent.